Who Am I - A Review of Journey of the Adopted Self by Betty Jean Lifton

This was actually the third book I picked up about adoption. Betty Jean Lifton, the author, was recommended reading by several people in a support group I participated in. The first book of hers that I read, Lost and Found (unfortunately not listed anywhere here for review) is an overview of the search and reunion topic for adoptees. 

Journey of the Adopted Self covers a much broader spectrum. It is divided up into three sections about an adoptee's struggle for identity. Ms. Lifton is herself an adoptee and begins the book with this dedication: To the memory of my adoptive mother Hilda and my birth mother Rae who might have known and even liked each other in another life and another adoption system. 

That is the focus of her book - how the current adoption system in this country has led the adoptee to be confused about his or her identity. 

Ms. Lifton begins by examining the identity crisis that an adoptee faces between two worlds. How much of us is nature and how much is nurture? She discusses the secrets, lies and conspiracy of silence that surrounds adoption in this country and how it can wear on the adoptee's sense of self. 

Next she focuses on the question for adoptees whether or not to search. Oftentimes pulled in different directions, she shows how no matter what anyone in any part of the triad (term for birth mother, child, and adoptive parent relationship) does, they often feel like they are participating in a no-win scenario. 

The shortest part of the book is Becoming Whole. There is no easy answer; no basic "do this and it'll be all better". Ms. Lifton shows us the journey but the chances are the ending is different for each adoptee depending on the circumstances. 

Her examples are very detailed and easy to understand. She uses ancient fables and real-life stories told to her during her research to make her points. I found the book to be very clear and easy to read. 

It was also very difficult for me to read emotionally. Of the adoption books I'd read, this one was most definitely the hardest, perhaps because it hit so close to home so often. Several times I had to put it down for a week or more before going back to it. 

I would recommend any of Ms. Lifton's work and this book in particular to anyone who is a part of the triad. Her insights were right on the mark and can help people understand what an adoptee feels like at times. I even came to a greater understanding of my mother-in-law who was adopted within the family at a time when you did not speak of such things. I would especially recommend that any psychiatrist or psychologist that deals at all with adoptees read this book.